Our Dear Friends,
We have made the very difficult decision to no longer attend meeting that has an association with this ministry in its current state, with the lack of accountability and transparency, and continual overstepping of boundaries. We have continually asked ourselves over the last few months “is this a safe community for our family?”
Unfortunately, while we feel safe with all of you in our meeting and many of those within our fellowship, we do not feel safe with the current workers and worker hierarchy. We realize and appreciate that there are still good and honest folks (including you all) and good and honest workers in this fellowship. But far too many get silenced when they speak up. Many want to make it better but the atmosphere that’s been created within this fellowship and ministry makes it very difficult to do so. This is not an easy decision, but this is where God has directed us to go.
We will still have our own Sunday fellowship with our little family, as we feel dedicating some time each week to really focus on God is important. You are all more than welcome to continue to meet with us on Sunday morning, but in full disclosure, we will not allow workers into our home, attend gospel meetings, or partake in any meeting associated with the workers. We do not want to place you in difficult situations you did not ask for. This is a choice we have made for our family and do not expect or ask any of you to do the same. We respect everybody’s decision on how they choose to walk with God.
After educating ourselves and listening to many stories of CSA, adult SA and spiritual abuse, we can no longer associate ourselves with this type of behavior. It has gone on for decades with no accountability and consequences. While nobody in either of our families has experienced SA (that we know of), several in both of our families have experienced traumatizing spiritual abuse.
This coupled with SA and continual lack of accountability, consequences, and transparency create an environment we are not OK being in. We recognize some regions are making progress and we hope that progress continues. But too many regions are not, including ours. Perhaps one day we will return to this form of fellowship because at its core, we believe this is how we want to have fellowship. But that’ll happen when we see consistent change, transparency, and accountability we firmly believe is needed; when we can be confident enough that it is a safe community (both physically and psychologically, and worldwide) for our family. Safe places of fellowship allow everybody to have equal opportunity to find Jesus and to know God.
It is not our intent to cause a ruckus. We are both very quiet introverted people-pleasing people so taking this step is very hard for us, but we feel it is what God has laid on our hearts. We each walk our own journey with Him and answer to Him alone. We tremendously appreciate each of you and our rich fellowship together. At its core, we know how we meet, to share our thoughts with each other – what God has laid on our hearts – is how it should be for us. I don’t think we will find that anywhere else.
With much love,
Ryan and Lucia
PS. If you are interested in reading victim accounts and understanding how we have come to our decision, you can visit some of the links below. Feel free to call us too or come have a visit with us.
There is a team of three ladies consisting of a Private Investigator who has extensive experience with handling CSA and SA within church communities, a daughter (and victim) of an abuser, and a victim of the same abuser. They all grew up in this fellowship but do not partake in this fellowship anymore. They are trying to hold the perpetrators accountable and advocate for and help victims heal and find therapy. They have set up hotlines for victims and/or their advocates to tell their story and report. There are more than 500+ perpetrators who were never held accountable for their actions, as identified by victims and/or their advocates. Many perpetrators still go to meetings within this fellowship around the world. That number does not include the number of workers who covered up for the abusers and spiritually abused victims. Less than a handful of those workers have since shown they regret their decisions and are actively educating themselves on CSA and SA (we do not want this to go unnoticed because it is a good thing amongst all the bad). But almost all those workers who were enablers have yet to be transparent and honest about where they have failed.
Some of the stories on the below sites are triggering. Please be mindful and careful when reading.
ADVOCATESFORTHETRUTH.COM
WINGSFORTRUTH.info
Hello Ray [Hoffman],
This email does not come easy. It comes with very heavy hearts. We have a firm belief in God. Our faith in Him is not in question. God is very real. God takes care of all His people, as He cares for all of his creation. God hears our prayers.
Sunday August 13, 2023, was the last meeting in our home that is associated with this ministry, the workers. We can no longer, in good conscience, attend meetings that are associated with this ministry. We are very disheartened by this ministry. This ministry does not hold each other accountable, is not forthcoming and transparent, and continues to overstep boundaries. We do not feel that the current state of the church fellowship is a safe place (both physically and psychologically) for our family. Perhaps we will return to this form of fellowship in the future. We do believe that how we meet is the right way for us. But that’ll happen when we see consistent change, transparency, and accountability – to have confidence that it is a safe community (both physically and psychologically, and worldwide) for our family.
CSA and adult SA are major issues. We understand that there is a significant learning curve amongst all, and it will take time to fully see change. But where is the transparency during the process to get to that change? Some regions (not a lot but some) have far greater transparency than ours. Far greater empathy. Far greater acknowledgement of the condition of this church. Many (if not most), including our region, have an incredible lack of honesty and transparency. Where is the consistency?
Where are the consequences to perpetrators? Where is the accountability and consequences to those who did not do all they could to stop the perpetrators from harming more children and women? Where is the empathy and help for the wounded? Beyond CSA, there is the overstepping of boundaries by workers, playing psychological games with people who they believe are not following Jesus correctly. Several people in both of our families experienced this spiritual abuse starting in the 80s and still do today.
At first, Lucia believed the accounts she was told by her loved ones in the 80s were simply a part of the general culture of the time/world and that in the present day, that type of abuse could not possibly happen. But it has. It still exists and nobody is holding the overseers/workers accountable. We are all equal in Christ, no matter what place we have in this fellowship or this world. And as such, we should never be each other’s spiritual gatekeeper to God. That is only and already Jesus’ position.
The way is perfect but the people are not. It is a very true statement. Where humans are involved, there will always be issues. Therefore, we have a responsibility to hold one another accountable for atrocities against our fellow humans. It is not a sin to speak up and protect our fellow humans from physical and psychological harm. It is a sin to avoid it, cover it up, or do nothing when we know about it. How many more souls will be wounded because we failed to protect each other? It is very true that the wounded can find healing through God. Those who abuse can also find healing through God. But what about doing something about it earlier rather than later to prevent more wounded souls and deeper sin by the abuser? Have a conversation with somebody who oversteps boundaries? Zero tolerance everywhere for anybody that physically abuses another? We are all God’s children and as such we have a responsibility to each other to keep each other safe, physically and psychologically; to have safe places of fellowship so that we all have equal opportunity to see Jesus and know God.
We understand that some natural order is needed for organization and logistics. As such, if we are to have a worker hierarchy, then those within this hierarchy have a responsibility to those “below”. The higher someone is on the hierarchy, the more responsibility that person has to ensure the physical and psychological safety of those within the fellowship. We all need to be natural gatekeepers to help keep the true evil out for the safety of those within the fellowship. And if a worker has proven they can no longer keep the people of the fellowship safe, they need to step down and out of the ministry.
– Victims of abuse should be listened to, trusted, helped and cared for.
– Advocates should be listened to and trusted.
– Perpetrators should be held accountable worldwide. There should be a zero tolerance policy everywhere. It should not differ region to region. Perpetrators can still know Jesus and find God but they don’t have to do it in the presence of the innocent souls that tempt them. If we love them, we help them not commit such evil sin again.
– Workers should be held accountable for their actions, no matter how well intended they were. Accountability should start with recognizing and being transparent about where one has failed. And if a worker has shown they are no longer doing their part to keep the evil out, the worker should step down. There is no shame in that. It’s simply needed for the safety of the members of the fellowship.
– Workers should not tell anybody what to do or not to do via spiritual abuse (e.g. silence them, tell them their choice is evil or the devil’s work) who makes a choice that is not actually evil, such as marrying somebody who doesn’t go to meeting, divorce, clothing choice, etc. That is a decision between that person and Jesus and God.
Maybe you have already thought deeply about all the questions and thoughts we have shared. And if you have, we ask that you please be more transparent to the community about it. We are not alone in how we feel. We are raising our voice to create safer places of fellowship for our family and friends.
If you have read this far, we thank you for taking the time to do so. It is not our intent to cause a ruckus. We are both very quiet introverted people. We do not like to make waves. We tend to put our heads down and mind our own business. But we can no longer stay silent. The question we keep asking is “is this a safe community for our family?” And unfortunately, with the current status of the ministry, it is not.
Regards,
Ryan and Lucia [Pikcilingis]
August 13, 2023