Separation, to follow truth
My name is Daniel Zal. I live in the upstate NY area, 62 years old, professing all my life. My wife and I have recently decided to separate ourselves from the fellowship. The following will explain why we have made this decision.
“Some events cannot be rationalized – they are either real or imagined, either right or wrong – and any meaningful reconciliation needs to start from a place of accountability and truth”. (anonymous)
Over the last months I have spent many hours thinking, reflecting and processing the new reality I am living in. I may have finally gotten to a place where I am able to articulate, in a sensible manner, what I now think and feel.
I have been thinking a lot about what Jesus taught regarding “how to inherit eternal life”. Three of the gospels recount a time when Jesus was asked this question.
His response(s):
Matt19 he said “keep the commandments….and come follow me”
Mark,10:17 “Thou knowest the commandments….take up thy cross and follow me”
Luke 10:25 “Thou shalt love the lord with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself. This do and thou shalt live”
Luke, 18:18 “Thou knowest the commandments…come and follow me”
(One of the men, referred to in each of the three gospels, was also asked to sell all. But let’s assume this was a requirement for this specific individual and not a requirement for everyone.)
We might consider loving God and our neighbor as pretty straight forward. I will come back to this topic in a bit. For now, let’s just consider more deeply what exactly it means to follow Jesus. I will repeat a story I shared during the Altamont 2022 convention. Excuse the repetition if you’ve already heard it.
My wife and I had been dining out with 2 friends. One, an observant 70ish y/o Jewish man. The other was a 60ish y/o woman with no connection, or desire for one, to any organized religion. In the course of conversation, my Jewish friend began expressing his admiration for Noah because “he walked with God”. Such a remarkable testimony. My non-religious friend responded after a brief pause by asking, “What do you think it means to walk with God”. My Jewish friend took a breath, leaned forward, and appeared eager to respond. But then paused, and had to admit he did not have an answer. And I realized I didn’t either. You might reasonably expect that after sitting in meetings and reading and reflecting on the scripture for some 60 years I would have had a good answer, or at least some answer.
I have spent considerable time since then reflecting on what it does mean to walk with God. It has been a rewarding exercise, even though it comes late in life. I feel like anyone who professes to follow Jesus should be able to articulate in 50 words or less at least the essence what it means. And I would suggest that if a person isn’t able to articulate an answer, that they really don’t know. From what I’ve read, heard and observed over the last months it seems increasingly apparent that too many people in the ministry/fellowship have been walking along without any clear guidelines for what it means to really follow Jesus.
Although, I’m a bit reluctant to “cast my pearls before swine,” as it were, I would suggest that one of the core principles involves a relationship with the truth.
From my earliest memory, I have heard this “Way” referred to as the “Truth”. We talk about walking in Truth. The Truth was clearly important to Jesus. He said, “I am the Truth”, “Know the Truth and the Truth will set you free”, “For this cause came I into the world and to this end was I born, to bear witness unto the Truth.” We recently studied the Gospel of John. In that Gospel Jesus mentions the Truth 22 times. I think about God as representing (among other things) all that is Most True. If Jesus is the Truth, and we are feeding on the “Lamb,” (as we often hear we should be) we should also be interested in searching out what is true and being willing to acknowledge it and accept it, even when it is inconvenient or difficult.
I think when I have tried to convey this concept in the past it may not have really translated easily into a practical understanding of what I am trying to convey. So, I will use an example that might help clarify what I mean.
When a young woman goes to an overseer and communicates to him that she and her best friend have discovered explicit evidence that her friend’s mother and another overseer are having an intimate sexual relationship, what would the response be of someone who is interested in what is actually true and being willing to acknowledge it in spite of the complications it would precipitate?
I can say with certainty that the response would not be “don’t spread false rumors”. It would also not be “We have to keep this between us. We can’t say anything about this to others because it might cause them to be so discouraged that they might lose out and then their soul would be lost.” These are not the responses of a person who is following Jesus. Yet, these seem to have been the responses, or typical of the responses, to the majority of reported cases of abuse by the overwhelming majority of overseers and others in places of authority for many years.
Personally, I am very interested in what is true. And, given that truth is relative, I am even more interested in what is most true. I see as a central purpose of studying the scripture in general, and the Gospels in particular, is to discover what it reveals regarding God’s truth and then living in a way that aligns my life with what is most true.
So, let me give another example of how this plays out. When an overseer speaks at convention about forgiveness and refers to relevant scripture (including Matt 18:15-17) that supports his position, he is communicating something that is true in a sense. But, when he intentionally leaves out the last half of Matt 18:17 that contradicts the essence of his sermon, this shows a troubling disregard for what is most true. It reveals either a marked ignorance of the subject or an intentional attempt to mislead, neither of which is very admirable. No judgement, but from all outward appearances, it appears this is a man who is not walking in truth, who is not following Jesus and who is occupying the place of an overseer. And what is also surprising is that hardly anyone seems to notice.
How many times have we heard 1 Cor:11 referenced as the scriptural basis for the appropriate length of men’s and women’s hair. However, I have never heard the 16th verse included in any of these discussions. Paul concludes the matter by saying, “we have no such custom, neither do the churches of God”. What is most true here? It might be that the Corinthians had a certain custom that Paul was supportive of for the Corinthians in their own community. But it wasn’t really relevant in general. This seems to be more true. It’s worth considering.
Next, I would like to explore a little more deeply the importance of loving your neighbor as thyself.
In Matt 23:36 when asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus responded that to love God and to love thy neighbor as thyself are the 2 greatest. “On these two hang all the law and the prophets”
Luke, 10:25 “Thou shalt love the Lord with all thy heart, and all thy soul, all thy strength, all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.” (He was then asked about who should be considered a neighbor.)
So, if we believe the words Jesus spoke, I think it’s safe to say the primary requirements for salvation are to love the Lord, love your neighbor, and to follow him.
Let’s explore the dynamics of loving your neighbor through the parable of the good Samaritan. A “certain (Jewish) man” was accosted by thieves, stripped of his cloths, wounded and left half dead. By chance there passed by both a priest and a Levite.” Now, one might assume because of their religious practice and familiarity with the law, they would be conscious of their responsibility to love their brother/neighbor (or at least act like they did). However, they both crossed to the opposite side of the street to avoid the man. Along comes a Samaritan who would ordinarily have no dealings with a Jew. Yet, in spite of whatever enmity might typically exist, he has it in his heart to stop, bind up his wounds, anoint him with oil, carry him to the nearest place of shelter and volunteer to pay for whatever care would be necessary for a full recovery.
This is a beautiful example of reaching out, even across religious and cultural divides, with a spirit of compassion and care that exemplifies what Jesus meant by “loving your neighbor as yourself”. Jesus said, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, by the love ye have one for another”. It is worth considering, just by the virtue of the Samaritan’s charitable disposition, that he might very likely be considered a disciple.
There is another portion of scripture which is very relevant to touch on. In Matt 25:31-46 we read of what will happen when Jesus returns, and all the holy angels are with him. He shall sit on the throne of his glory. All nations will be gathered before him, and he shall separate them as a shepherd shall separate his sheep from the goats. The only basis mentioned here for determining where a person ends up will be how they treated other people. And not just how but with what spirit they did so. The sheep will be those who, just as the good Samaritan did, had it in their hearts to reach out to those who were in need of help, regardless of their ethnicity, social status or religious persuasion. They weren’t responding just because they thought it was the right thing to do, or because it would help them store up treasure in heaven. It was just a consequence of the compassion and love they felt for others.
In spite of what we may have been explicitly or implicitly taught, I have not found any scriptural basis that supports the belief that participating in a specific fellowship, attending a certain type of meeting, wearing a certain type of dress or style of clothes or jewelry or length of hair or hairstyle is a criteria for salvation. None of these will have much, if any, relevance when Jesus is separating the sheep from the goats. As Paul says in 1 Cor:13 we could have many wonderful qualities, and do many admirable acts, but if we aren’t possessed and motivated by a spirit of charity, it will all come to nothing.
We now know that for many years, probably since the time of William Irvine, there has been immoral behavior occurring in the fellowship and the ministry. Many brothers and sisters and workers have been the victims of abuse. This abuse has in many cases caused devastating trauma with lifelong consequences. We are also now aware that there has been a consistent pattern of behaviour by those leading the ministry and by others with influence, over this same long history, to do their best to keep this knowledge as contained as possible. The reputation of the perpetrators and the ministry has, in the vast majority of instances, always been given preeminence over the welfare of the victims.
Fredrich Nietzche once said, “Men betray themselves for the sake of their good name all the time”. A commentary on this quote – “When you lie to yourself you begin to corrupt the structure of your very being”.
This is bad enough. But now that all of this (corruption) has come to light and can no longer be kept quiet, there still seems to be a reluctance to acknowledge it and respond in a way that is consistent with following Jesus. I went to convention this year hoping I would hear some overt acknowledgement of what has been occurring, sense a spirit of repentance and see some evidence of changes being made to at least improve safety. Instead, I heard things like we should just forgive everyone for everything, don’t feed on garbage or think too much about anything that might be distressing, bad things will happen but don’t dwell on it, question things in the right way with the right tone, etc.
I have read that in a few other parts of the country there may be some sincere efforts being made to consider these issues carefully and respond with integrity. But in the northeast, there has been zero apparent effort made to make any changes or implement any meaningful guidelines in response to the debacle we find ourselves in. Relative to the victims of abuse, there has been no outreach by the ministry. There has been no anointing of oil, no overt expression of compassion, no balm for the wounded, no effort to take the injured to a place of healing and maybe even pay for their care. To me, it seems like the response of the majority of the friends and workers has been pretty much exactly like that of the priest and Levite. This is so antithetical to the teachings of Jesus that I can only shake my head in wonder. That this is the behavior being manifested by those who believe and imply they are being led by the spirit of God, again, I can only shake my head in wonder.
We have arrived at a time when things in this “way of truth” have gotten very complicated. Many have been a part of the fellowship for years, perhaps for all of their lives, and are reluctant to even consider a separation from it for any reason. It has become an integral part of their identity. They may not have any friends or social contacts other than within this community. For them, the prospect of extricating themselves from this community would likely be profoundly destabilizing and anxiety inducing. I totally understand that many will choose to continue with fellowship as usual and support the ministry as they have always done.
I can understand why Barry Barkley and Ray Hoffman would choose to keep their heads down and choose to not make any major changes. Doing nothing is easy and will likely cause the greatest number of people the least amount of distress. In a storm it would not be smart to start rocking the boat. The storm will eventually blow over and business will resume as usual with everybody who has managed to stay in the boat. But doing what is easy and smart in a practical sense is not the same as following Jesus. Especially if Jesus isn’t even in the boat. And, from my perspective, this is looking more and more likely as time passes.
Having fellowship and attending meetings are great, to the extent that they help cultivate a loving relationship with God and our neighbors and help “guide one into all truth”. And for those continuing in fellowship meetings, I sincerely hope that will be the case.
So, to the best of my ability I have articulated my thoughts. I will also express how I feel. Thoughts and feelings are intimately connected but they have distinct origins, one from the head, the other from the heart.
The best way to convey how I feel is with a story. Think of it as a parable, but one based in actual fact
A couple in their 50s are in a crisis. For 30+ years they have seemingly enjoyed a wonderful, intimate, fulfilling marriage. They have been mutually supportive. Both have successful careers. They have 2 adult children. Everything seems pretty perfect. Except the wife eventually finds out that during the entire time they’ve been married, since the honeymoon, her husband has been serially unfaithful, literally hundreds of times. (The husband was a victim of repeated sexual and physical abuse as a child.) Now, against the advice of all her friends, and both her children, the wife decides she is willing to work on trying to save the marriage. Not the response you would expect. She does this because for over 30 years she had lived in a reality that was relatively wonderful and fulfilling. What allows for even the possibility of saving the relationship is the husband’s willingness to acknowledge his errors, to take responsibility for them, to repent in a way that is painfully sincere, and to make the necessary changes in his own life. A difficult process with an undetermined outcome.
You can hopefully see the parallels. I spent many years living in a reality where I believed certain things to be true, and that was wonderful. I have no regrets. My children, who at one time all professed and now don’t, all regard the religious aspect of their upbringing as a good thing. I have never heard them express regret or resentment about this part of their lives. It has given us all a foundation on which to build a spiritual practice. But now I have found that some of the most fundamental things I once believed to be true are actually false. I feel betrayed in the same way, but with admittedly maybe not quite the same degree of devastation, as the wife did when she realized the magnitude of her husband’s betrayal.
There was a time, early on, when if there had been some acknowledgement of what had gone wrong, some indication of repentance, a willingness to make appropriate changes and do some difficult work there might have been a possibility of saving the relationship. But that has not been the case. And It feels like the relationship is at an end.
Daniel Zal
Upstate New York USA