Dear Friends,
Thank you for sharing your homes, hearts, and faith with me. I feel very enriched and helped by many spiritual things that I have heard and learned in meetings. I want you to know that I feel such a warmth and love for everyone in our meeting and many of the workers who I have been able to get to share time with.
I have been re-writing this letter for a year through many prayers and tears and have decided to finally send it. I am writing to let you know that I have decided that I am no longer comfortable going to meetings at the present time. When I started going to meetings, I didn’t completely realize that it was a commonly held belief by members that we supposedly go to the only church that can provide salvation for the soul and that all other churches and Christians are considered to be false. Through the years, I was told this many times by workers and friends as well as hearing it implied at almost every meeting that I have been to- but I have never felt that it was true for myself and often enquired and cried in my prayers about it. I also searched the scriptures for answers.
Romans 10:4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.
5 For Moses describeth the righteousness which is of the law, That the man which doeth those things shall live by them.
6 But the righteousness which is of faith speaketh on this wise, Say not in thine heart, Who shall ascend into heaven? (that is, to bring Christ down from above:)
7 Or, Who shall descend into the deep? (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead.)
8 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;
9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
I believe what the Bible says.
If condemnation of all those who find Jesus through other means is a requirement, or judging souls that have yet to find him is a requirement in this church, then I have never met those requirements. My experience with Jesus has been a personal experience and I can only look to others and workers for the helping of faith, but not for confirmation. That belongs to God.
There have been times when I have been so confused by what other professing people have said that I have wondered in my heart if everyone I’ve ever known is going to Hell, even my beloved grandparents and mother who all believe in Jesus and have supported my faith as best as they could in lifetime. I have had to repent to God for condemning them in my heart out of my own confusion. These are very serious implications and I hope anyone who participates in implying these sentiments has truly, in desperation, enquired with God and the scriptures on these matters.
I have felt, since I started going to meetings, that I had no where else to go. I had always felt that any other church that I attended in life previously was never quite sincere or right for me. As time went on, however, I started to see that our church was capable of every single lack of sincerity that I had been concerned about with other churches.
I think it is pretty clear that Jesus came to save souls, not to condemn. I don’t think those following him should condemn others either. We never know the full story for anyone. God helps us out of situations that are dangerous to our souls but that does not mean we should condemn those who are still stuck in those situations. It is very obvious to me now that people can go to meetings, look the part, and even become workers purely by human discipline, duty and/or desire. Some have demonstrated that they can continue in this way, not by the will of God but by human strength alone. Those who have committed repeated abuse over the years is confirmation of this. The fruit of these individuals is obvious and spoken clearly about in the Bible.
The family of God and those who are in his will through Jesus is a spiritual family- meaning that you cannot be part of a human group that simply follows the same rules and declare yourselves the only true family members of God. There are many individuals- many different lives and groups who are called by God and are committing their lives to our saviour Jesus. I’m not necessarily claiming them all to be right or true, but it is not for us to decide, it is for God alone.
To me, the world is anything living outside of Christ’s love. That can even include ourselves when we are living and acting outside of his love. The world is not just those who don’t go to meetings as it is often implied by professing people. The world is very present in meetings at times too. We can be safe from the world in any situation when we are truly living in Christ’s love. That is God’s will. It is based on our spiritual state and motivation. The worldly motivation to look good for other people only, and to fear people, instead of focusing on how we look to God is very present in meetings too.
We are very imperfect in our fruit as a church. Horrible things have happened in our area and all around the world as well. We have absolutely no right to judge another living soul, especially considering how guilty our church has been for many generations.
I understand that people who have been raised with this doctrine might have trouble seeing things differently even with so much new and undeniable information that is available. That is why I do not feel able to raise my children this way. I do not believe that meetings are safe for them emotionally or spiritually due to the subtle judgement that is often directed at others outside of meeting and seems so prevalent in our group. It just feels very wrong in my spirit, and always has from the beginning. At times, especially in larger meetings, I actually feel that my children may not even be safe physically as there are still many perpetrators of sexual abuse that are attending these gatherings. I know that pedophiles are, sadly, not that uncommon in the world today. However, in daily life, we are not taught to merely trust strangers implicitly without truly knowing them, as we are in meeting. Nor are we taught that the whole group is “safe” everywhere as we are taught in meeting.
I should not have to research information online to know the details of what is going on in our church so that I can better protect my family. It should all be out in the open with no shame, for the benefit of all. We should be helping perpetrators out of their sin in all cases both by making them responsible for there actions and by not letting them partake in environments with their victims, or those vulnerable to becoming their victims. Their souls should be helped in a realistic, honest and very vigilant way.
No church will ever be perfect. God’s love, through Jesus, and our love for one another is what has the power to make us perfect. This is not possible in environments that lack complete honesty and humility. False honesty and humility will just never cut it.
I would not feel comfortable bringing new members to this church unless they were told everything about the belief system and the abuse that has happened again and again in the same way and with the same pattern. I hope that if new people come, you who continue to go to meetings will be honest about absolutely everything with them so that they can truly make a choice for themselves.
On a personal level, I would like to let you know that I was abused by my own Father in my youth and have been fighting for health and life ever since. Learning about all victims and their stories within our church is not something that I am able to look away from or ignore. On a spiritual level, anyone who is down in a ditch (because of life’s sorrows) should be exactly the one that I am here to help, if I want to follow Jesus. I want my life to look like the good Samaritan not the priest. Knowing of all the abuse within this church has taken so much out of me over this past year. Continuing in this church while being expected to ignore these issues has brought back heightened PTSD and mental health struggles for me. My children need me, they need a loving and healthy protector and caretaker. I will not be persuaded to neglect the gifts and responsibilities that God has given to me.
I genuinely feel like I could write an entire book about all of the deeply personal experiences and scriptures that have slowly led me to make this choice, so if there is anyone who would ever like to talk about it with me, I am open to that.
I will end with the latest information that I have about perpetrators in Conventions this year. This is not an “American problem” or something “we can’t be sure of” or something “far from us”. There are still workers from Canada and around the world with allegations that have not been properly looked at or dealt with. They should not be staying in people’s homes or going to conventions for the safety of all.
Many thanks to friends and workers in our area and other areas who do care about these hard issues of abuse and are doing the best that they can with the information that they have. Many thanks to the friends and workers in our area for their love and care and ongoing interest in these difficult matters and their willingness to talk openly. One more thing that I would like to make very clear is that I have no ill will or hard feelings towards any individuals in our meeting. I feel much warmth and love towards each. The real issue for me above all is the underlying doctrine of human exclusivity within this church that has caused me a lot of pain and anguish for many years and I simply feel that I have no choice but to let go of this doctrine for the sake of my own internal peace and well being.
Many thanks for taking the time to read.
Love in Christ always,
Julia Kember
October 19, 2024