I hate when the wrong people get blamed. It makes somewhere inside me itch. And those itches are turning into a whole crop of chicken pox in my psyche right now.
There is currently a sexual abuse crisis happening in the church called ‘the truth’ I was raised in and worshipped in for most of my life. The abuse on all levels and extents was present pretty much from the church’s inception in the late 1800s. Although many will argue that this way of worship wasn’t founded by man, but came directly from God, reaching back to the Sea of Galilee, the evidence shows that it was started by a severely flawed man with a huge ego. But that, and a host of other reasons why people are ending their belief in this church, is not the point I am making right now, so I shall set it aside for another time.
It is within the backdrop of this belief system that sexual abuse and child sexual abuse thrived (and thrives) to an extent far exceeding (per capita) even the Catholic church abuse scandal in the past 30 years. I say “thrives” because, despite being brought to light in unmistakeable ways, the leadership of this church has refused policies for change, refuse to acknowledge that they have done wrong, and continue to mislead their followers by sweeping everything back under the rug.
The leaders of this church are quick to forgive perpetrators, both convicted and alleged, as long as they show remorse for their actions. Not necessarily showing remorse to the victims, but most importantly to the leadership group. Some believe that they can heal pedophiles through the love of God. Those same leaders are not so quick to forgive the victims, however. According to them, it is important that a victim forgive their perpetrator as soon as possible and be ready to worship with them and welcome them into the fold. If a victim does not forgive in the time frame that is thought to be reasonable, they are the ones held in the wrong. If it bothers them to be in a meeting with their abuser, it is their responsibility to move, find another meeting, or just let it go.
When it happens, the victims are, as much as possible, told to keep quiet about their abuse because it makes the “perfect way of God” look bad in the eyes of “the world.” If it’s really bad, the leadership might move the offender to another province, city, country, to get him (or her) out of the situation so they can have a clean start. But whether they leave your area or not, the victim/survivor is not to speak out loudly, defend against lies being told about them, seek professional help, or show any spirit of anger or malice at all. Those who are too loud or too embarrassing are either asked to leave the group or are slowly pushed until they leave of their own accord.
In a recent example of this twisted logic, they have set up an “Extra Special Meeting” in Wisconsin. Since Bruergate (March 2023), because of the current public outcry, alleged and/or convicted sex offenders and pedophiles have been asked not to attend public gatherings, such as the church’s yearly ‘special meetings’ in the area. So, the leader (overseer) in Wisconsin has decided to hold an extra special meeting which these perpetrators are allowed to attend—with a chaperone if required by law by their legal sentence. Anyone else is also allowed to attend, if they “behave appropriately.” This means no confrontations, no demonstrations, and no complaints against the sex offenders.
One of the most horrifying things about this meeting is that people with children will attend. Although there are no rules, per se, requiring the members to attend, there is an unspoken knowledge that the only exception that should keep one away from one of the leadership’s “meetings” is being sick unto death. The verse in Hebrews 10 “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as the manner of some is…” is used to support this.
Another twisted exception to the rule is that there are people who have been forbidden to attend any meetings of this group, as an example to others of their bad behaviour. NOT the child molesters. NOT the adulterers, rapists or murderers. No. They are totally welcome at this extra special meeting. It is the people who have been divorced and remarried that cannot be forgiven until their original spouse is dead or they leave their new marriage and return to their original spouse. (But not in all cases —it depends on the geographical area in which you live and worship.)
People in a consensual homosexual relationship cannot come to the meetings. People who have made too big of a fuss about themselves or their children being abused are not welcome. People who have rebelled too much, or spoken against the leadership publicly, in the press, or in testimony time in a previous meeting would be asked to leave if they showed up at this extra special meeting.
Does anyone but me see the ridiculousness in this mindset? Does it make your insides itch, too?
Donna (Allen) Kennedy
Edmonton, Alberta (Canada)
February 2025