I have not been attending meetings for just shy of a year. I thought it was time to put my feelings in writing.
I have been waiting to send this out for a long, long time now, as I was hanging on to some hope. Hope that meetings would be what I believed them to be growing up. That sincerity, honesty, love and accountability would be the forefront of the ministry and culture.
I have suffered disappointment after disappointment, anger and heart break, time and time again, each time lending more patience and tolerance than what’s ever been deserved.
I will not be counted among with a group that tolerates even for a second, violence, rape or abuse. One child is one too many. One victim is one too many.
Do not soothe yourself by thinking I am well-meaning but confused, or that the devil has pulled me away. That is a false narrative.
My relationship with God is strong, beautiful, full of guidance, love and clarity. It is clear to me that God cannot thrive within me, while belonging to this religion.
This is not a controversial time—there is nothing controversial about rape.
This is not a conversation about sin—God deals with us and our sin.
This should only ever have been a conversation about consequences for actions. Over and over again, we have seen far more empathy handed over to the evil monsters than the very victims they target. It’s disgusting. There is zero excuse, or rationale for this.
If you try—for even a MOMENT—to rationalize or downplay the severity of child abuse, you are serving a false God. This is what I have seen played out, time and time again.
I have been accused of church hating, being guided by the devil, and of sowing contempt.
I do not hate the church—I hate the culture.
Only I am allowed to speak of MY own spirituality and faith; my relationship with God is perfectly intact. Any more discussion on this that leads to any other conclusion is false and untrue.
I feel strongly about child abuse in any narrative, so do not—for even a moment—bring up the argument, “It’s everywhere”. It is illogical, and at the very least, insinuates a passiveness to the problem at hand, affecting the lives of those who are tied to this religion.
My regret is that I did not say this sooner.
I wish to be taken off of the lists.
I wish you all the very best in finding true peace. May God guide you, and may you listen.
Kelsey (Simpson) Stolz
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
March 12, 2024