My story goes back to 2010 or so. I entered a period of profound doubt that lasted well over a decade. I didn’t share these doubts widely, because I come from one of the royal families, and such things simply weren’t discussed. Conversations with workers were dead ends. Workers were often scripturally illiterate, spiritually immature, or not willing to consider questions that may expose deeper truths than they were willing to accept.
After a decade of spiritual struggle, I became resigned to existing uncomfortably within the way. I didn’t feel comfortable discussing this with the people closest to me because I didn’t want my questions to interfere with their faith. Because of the doctrine of exclusivity, I felt I wouldn’t find God in any other church, so I didn’t even look at them. Via this same blasphemous doctrine of exclusivity, the worker church had framed itself as equal to God, and integral to God. God forbid.
What a lonely existence! I couldn’t even find Jesus because the methods the workers recommended did not lead to Jesus—they lead to The Way. As it later turned out, I was starting from the wrong end of the problem. I was attempting to justify the worker’s ministry to find God, rather than simply accepting God, and then finding a way to embrace His spirit in fellowship.
When news of Dean Bruer’s odd death broke, I felt a profound sense of relief—like a weight was lifted. I knew somehow that this was a good thing. My honest first reaction to the news was a simple prayer: “Thank God he is dead, many will now know peace”. Uncharacteristically, I expressed that to my wife. She didn’t feel the same relief, but it was good to share a feeling in an honest, direct manner.
As news later broke in public about the true nature of Bruer’s life and the unraveling of the ministries frayed threads began, the searching and pondering I had done for over a decade came into sharp focus.
It became clear to me that the serious questions I had were not actually doubting God’s reality and nature. The serious questions I had were actually about the structure, culture, business plan and practices of the workers’ ministry. Each question I had was satisfied when viewed through the following lens: God is real, true, and almighty. Given that premise, I then compared the workers’ teaching, doctrine and culture to what I find in the Bible, which is the distilled word of God—an owner’s manual, so to speak. I found that while the workers’ ministry has focused narrowly on a handful of verses, there is so much more in the Bible. I found that their unwritten, uncollected, and sometimes contradictory doctrines often had no scriptural backing, or had been unduly emphasized (or scripture had been de-emphasized). Of course, that has nothing to do with God.
What a relief to discover that my faith in God is well founded and actually never was in doubt! Once I discarded the corrupt worker doctrines, all that was left was God and His Bible. This is a major shift in world view and a most comforting one.
I don’t see people as “In” or “Out”—that is the corrosive language of exclusivity. Everyone is on a different mile in their walk with God, and there are many roads that God walks with people that eventually lead to heaven.
I don’t regret my time in the workers’ church—the long experience shaped me in important ways. However, I feel that I found God in spite of the worker church, and I can honestly say I developed a true relationship with God after leaving the workers’ church last fall. None of this was easy or simple, but it became simple when I looked for God first, in front of church or club.
I have found that hard, but honest conversations are the best ones to have. They lead to common ground that would never be found without the conversation. Much of workers’ church culture is based on implied agreement with poorly defined principles. Hard, honest, direct conversations get to the bottom of those assumptions that masquerade as principles or doctrine.
I will close with this. God is in you. Specific church denominations do not have sole access to God. Some have a cleaner understanding of God’s Grace and more coherent teaching about God, but none have an exclusive access plan. There is not a single church or person in the world that can deny you God’s presence and eternal life because you are not part of their group. That power is reserved to God alone.
Lyle Benjamin
Sunburst, Montana USA
April 12, 2024
Those above comments were about my long spiritual journey. I am glad if you have found them helpful.
This is the practical side of the recent part of the journey:
My experience included a transition period. We left meetings and simply had a home worship time for a couple months on Sunday morning, and a small Bible study with my mother in law.
That didn’t feel sufficient–I felt my sons needed church structure of some kind, and my wife and I had lamented that worker church didn’t include formal Sunday school type teaching.
I started looking at websites for local churches, and visiting with folks I knew attended the various ones.
The websites have a statement of belief, which is foundational to that church and points towards what you can expect in terms of worship attitude, style, and culture.
You can read this and match it (or not) to the Bible.
This is only partly useful–I found one church that had a different vibe among the congregants than what I expected from the faith statement.
I originally planned to surf through the local churches taking a couple weeks at each one, but the vetting process streamlined that for me.
When I had picked a possible church match, I had a conversation with the pastor there before attending.
It was open, and honest.
One of his comments that resonated with me was “Our church isn’t perfect. No church is, only God. If you find a church that claims perfection, run away”
I told my boys to expect a different experience than what we were used to- different hymns, different worship style, different themes, different terminology, but look for the presence of God in it all. That was wise- it was different, but good.
There was a combination of worship and of teaching. The teaching was direct, useful and startlingly lacking in euphemism.
I left the worship service that morning feeling uplifted in a way that I hadn’t in years.
We attended several more Sundays, before I decided to take the pastor out for long mid week lunch.
We had an excellent, honest, very open conversation.
I explained that I had a l long church background, but with very different language, focus, and customs.
I asked him to treat me like a novice with no prior experience in church.
Among other topics, I told him I was not looking for a church membership, I was looking for God, and fellowship in my relationship with God.
He told me there is no pressure to join the church, and I am welcome in whatever capacity I wish. That was reassuring to me. It pointed to God first.
We have continued to attend since January. The message and culture consistently point towards Jesus, and the message is backed by relevant scripture.
There are Sunday school classes for children, teens, men, woman, couples, and a topical class.
While I use to dread going to extra things like gospel meetings and sings, I find myself looking forward to these classes and other parts of the church activity calendar.
I find myself studying the Bible more in preparation for church (and enjoying it).
This church uses the Christian Standard Bible, which is a modern English version, and easily readable.
I share this for those who are worried or curious what faith life outside of meetings is.
I know I was apprehensive about life outside of worker church, even while holding strong reservations about worker church.
God is first. If you have God first, everything else falls in line.
As a side bar, I knew the pastor at this church from my experience with him as the chaplain for the Sheriffs office when I worked there.
I knew him to have a straightforward, meat and potatoes approach to faith.
One of the things I had to settle before attending “his” church was whether I was following him, or the church philosophy, or what exactly I was seeking in fellowship.
It has become evident that I am seeking God first, and then fellowship with people who honestly desire to love and understand God, whoever those people may be, in whatever place they may be in.
There are some really good, honest people out there who love God, whatever banner they do it under. These people I want to be in fellowship with.
Leaving or Left?
As you deconstruct, it may be helpful to ask whether you left the 2×2 worker church, or did the worker church leave you?
Some say they followed Jesus out of the worker church, and that is a good approach to take as well.
While all of this is semantics, it matters. If you are feeling adrift and abandoned by a group that has been an elemental part of your life, it can be empowering to take control by deciding that you actively left a community that ceased to uphold the values and scripture you continue live by.
If you are feeling a vague feeling of guilt or a sense of being judged by those still in the church for making a moral decision, it may help to frame this as the worker church leaving you and swerving wildly off the moral high road.
In a sense, this is no different than the high school experience of being in a car with your long time friends, and realizing that one of them has pulled out a bottle of whiskey and handed it to the driver, while a couple others have pulled out packs of cigarettes. This is something new that you hadn’t seen from this group of friends who you thought you knew well. But you realize in the moment that you need to tell them this is a bad idea. So you do, and the car pulls to stop, they open the door, and say “We don’t want prudes riding with us! So long, loser!”
They have left you, but you have prevented yourself from being in a potentially tragic situation by not simply giving in. That is the mark of a winner, not a loser. You owe that car full of former friends nothing, you owe them no guilt, and you do not have any obligation to accept the judgement they make of your morals or decisions. You are free. That maybe lonely for awhile, but you free, and that is awesome.
Similarly, when you find out the next day that the car crashed an hour later killing one of your friends and a child in the mini van they hit, you don’t have to accept any guilt that you could have changed things if you stayed in the car. They made their own decisions, and they alone are responsible for the consequences. They knew what they were doing was illegal and dangerous. They did it anyway. That is not your guilt to carry.
Lyle Benjamin
September 10, 2024
Comment by CJ: That analogy is apt and powerful. Further expanding on your example, those in the car could have taken note of your decision, and that you’re someone whose opinion, judgement and input they valued in the past. They could pause and consider if they shouldn’t give your warning credence.
They had the opportunity to reflect on what they were doing, dump out the whiskey bottle on the roadside, stub out their cigarettes and join you. As you said, they’ve made their decision but not without an opportunity to course correct. For those who’ve followed Jesus out, you made a choice years ago…to follow Jesus. You left friends who you found disobey the law and run with a bad influence, and you stuck with the one who sticks closer than a brother and saved your soul. IMO, that’s just common sense.