Dear ____, ____ and Friends,
I have been unable to physically attend meetings for quite some time. I wanted to be there because of my love for you all.
However, the more I learn about what has been occurring over decades…the secrets and lies and so many disbelieved victims of CSA…the more I find myself not aligning with this false picture of the perfect ministry and only way.
I have thought and prayed long and hard over what was the right thing for me…the right decision for my own peace. I have mostly prayed for the wisdom to discern what was the real truth and what was the real lies.
There have been questions about how certain things were done that have followed me from childhood…but that was “the way things had always been done”, so I (mostly) fell in with what was expected.
Although my main feeling has always been, and still is, I want my heart to reflect the tender heart and love of Jesus. I just do not see that in this ministry any longer. Maybe that’s why they had to keep everything so secretive…they didn’t dare let the cat out of the bag of what was truly going on right under the noses of the faithful. Unfortunately, that cat came out on its own, without the overseers’ approval or desire.
I was still hanging on by a thread, hoping the ministry leadership would do the right thing. Unfortunately, when I heard an overseer state (via recording regarding an alleged perpetrator) that he would more readily believe a respected person of good reputation over that of some obscure person without reputation…that put me over the edge.
I grew up with uncles who were pedophiles. One of them had an irritating personality and the other was handsome with a great personality…but they were both guilty of CSA…from their first victim to their last. A pedophile never stops having those perverted cravings…and to judge them on what is seen on the outside…or believing the lies they tell that it’ll never happen again does a horrible disservice to the victims (past, present and future) that lasts a lifetime.
I also worked long enough with CPS to know that perpetrators of abuse cannot be picked out in a crowd…they don’t look like a gargoyle. They are usually well liked and trusted. Unless you are with a person 24/7…minute by minute…you’ll never know what secrets they carry inside. The outward appearance and reputation means nothing.
So, it is with sadness, because of my love for the faithful ones who strive to follow what Jesus truly taught and who He truly is… that I am stepping out of the picture and whether able or disabled, will no longer be attending any meetings.
I will leave you with a few verses:
Mark 9: 33 – 36, 42
John 13: 3 – 17
I have not seen these things that Jesus taught and showed His disciples being lived or shown by this ministry’s leadership. True shepherds don’t protect and guard other shepherds…they protect the sheep. And protecting the sheep does not mean, ‘stay off the Internet’, and stay deaf, dumb and blind.
Thank you for past love and kindness.
Jean (Langston) Bickle
Bakersfield, California
June 21, 2024