Dear teens and young adults,
I know it can feel confusing to see people leave the church you grew up in. You’ve probably been told that those who walk away are bitter, angry, or “have forsaken God.” I’ll be honest with you, it’s a little bit true. Sometimes, I’m angry. Sometimes, I feel bitter. But honestly, most of the time I feel free and I’m enjoying discovering a new relationship with God. I saw so many of you at Boring and I realized that I hadn’t reached out. I’m sorry. I’m sure it was confusing to see so many of us walk away and not share what was going on. I wanted to shield you in hopes that we could encourage the ministry to make changes so that it could be safe.
I want you to know that we tried. We spent hours, days, weeks trying to make changes so that this church could be physically, emotionally and spiritually safe for everyone. But the ministry was unwilling. I see that keeping that journey from you was unfair and confusing to you. I know you are brave, smart and compassionate. Many of us were deeply hurt. Some of us were spiritually abused. Some were emotionally mistreated and financially taken advantage of. Some were sexually abused, and most of the time, those abuses were ignored, hidden, or covered up.
That may sound scary. It might even feel uncomfortable to read. I don’t share it to make you doubt everything, but because if something like that has happened to you, I want you to know this: you are not alone. You are not to blame. And there are safe people, advocates, survivors, friends, who will listen when you’re ready.
I remember what it was like to be your age in a high-control church. The enormous pressure to make big life decisions, what kind of partner to find, what career to pursue, what you believe about God, while you’re still figuring out who you even are. It’s a heavy weight to carry.
Here’s what I want you to hear: you don’t have to rush. You don’t have to let the church, or society, or anyone else decide for you. Take your time to discover what makes sense to you. Ask yourself:
- What brings out your best self, the one you don’t have to hide?
- What helps you live honestly, with kindness and courage?
- Without the pressure of anyone else, what is God telling you? (And if you don’t hear or feel God, that’s okay too.)
- If you could make choices without fear of being judged, what would you choose?
You’ve been told that outside the church is only darkness, loneliness, and fear. I want you to know that’s not true. There is happiness out here. There is freedom. There are friends who will stand beside you. There is still God, if you want Him. An all powerful God is not confined to a single building or group.
I believe in your generation. My generation was too quiet for too long. But when we finally spoke, we roared. Yes, it was loud. Maybe even scary. But it was what we had to do, because we wanted safety. Not only for ourselves, but for you.
So please, don’t write us off. Talk to us. We won’t try to force you to do anything. We just want you to know you’re loved, you’re seen, and you matter.
I see you. I pray for you. And I want more for you than what I had. Please don’t be afraid to listen, to question, to learn, to dream. There is a bigger, brighter life waiting for you than you’ve been told is possible.
With love and hope,
Someone who cares deeply for you
Sep 9, 2025
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