I will begin with my being born a “Baldwin Baby”—given up for adoption by a Professing mother through a Professing Doctor in Springfield, Oregon in 1970. I was moved to a Professing home in Michigan at three days old. I was essentially raised by “the church”. My adoptive father passed away two weeks before my first birthday and my adoptive mother was ill-equipped to raise me or her biological daughter for that matter. At the age of 13 my school called Social Services and when my Elder and others were asked directly about the physical and emotional abuse in my home, they no longer hid what they had tried to protect me from for many years, and her rights were terminated rather abruptly.
I was moved to the next County so that I would not be in the same “field,” and was later adopted by my second family—my new Elder where we also had meeting in our home. His penetrating and controlling sexual abuse began within just two weeks of my arrival. His wife was fully aware and sometimes participated in “loving” the incredibly “vulnerable” CHILD they had taken in. On my 18th birthday, I moved out of their home and started begging Dr. Baldwin to tell me who my Birth Family was. He refused for months, as he had “promised anonymity to the family”.
## Being the determined one that I am, I flew to the Saginaw Convention grounds in August of 1988, and let him know he was going to have to tell me “No” to my face. A long and amazing story can be made short here by saying that I met my uncle Lowell Stidolph that very evening. It was a life changing moment for me—the way Lowell ran to me and embraced me with such loving enthusiasm. We remained extremely close until his death—and my life as a “Stidolph” began.
Within a year, I was suicidal. I was overwhelmed. I was scared. I was deeply grateful—and I was full of shame. Over the next few years, the amount of therapy and “work” it took to heal, forgive and let go of all of my shame was almost overwhelming. But that broken road led me to who I am today. I do not know ONE person who is an Ex-2×2, a Professing 2×2 or an observer of this Sex Abuse Scandal that isn’t utterly heartbroken.
For days now, I have read the posts/comments and spoken directly with many. I have also prayed without ceasing!! My first reaction was anger and bitterness. Dean and Doyle are/were both close with my family. I happen to be caretaking for my In-laws in the Portland, OR area at the moment, so it feels “close” in every way possible. I wanted to talk to my Professing Mom, but I didn’t know where to begin. Even though we are very close in day to day life and emotions—the spiritual chasm in times like this feels bigger than normal. I tell you all of this to explain why and how I feel the need to say what I am about to write.
To those of you who are no longer professing who haven’t personally endured sexual abuse. This seems like a rod of reckoning with which you want to bring down the constructs of the church. I do not disagree that some fundamental things need to change. I fully understand your pain and anger at their “judgement” of your eternal salvation while simultaneously longing for the connection to your friends and family you once cherished—and likely still do— but have lost.
It is HARD to be an “Outsider”—trust me—I went back THREE times (including getting re-baptized each time). With all of the love and respect in the world for you: Please consider how much power you are taking away from the current—and very real issue—which is the prevalence of sexual predation within the 2x2s—and many other fundamental churches—that has been hidden for too long—by the distraction of the “doctrine discussions” that are not relevant to this situation—at this time.
To anyone who has been a victim of sexual abuse. There is no question that the darkness, fear, condemnation and shame that feels like it is suffocating you is so consuming that it feels like you are completely alone, and no one could EVER understand your pain or embarrassment. The culture that let this continue for too long is being exposed. I hear you. Many others hear you and feel your agony. I can only promise you that there is HOPE! With time, support, knowledge and a LOT of work on your part, healing is possible. You don’t have to identify as a “victim” forever. What is meant for your demise can be turned to glorify God by showing what is possible through HIM and HIS power.
To those of you that I love and cherish who are Professing. Please stop fearing “us”. We are not “the wrong hands.” If you have nothing to hide. We love you. We miss you. We feel very judged by you and that makes many of us need and want to judge you back. We are human—we want to hurt your feelings because you have hurt ours through shunning and excommunication. Only GOD knows if we are going to Heaven or Hell.
To the Workers. To those close to the Dean Bruer case and those around the world. Please take obvious and significant steps toward no longer creating easy opportunities for such abuse. Since much of this abuse does take place in homes where Workers are staying. Would you please strongly consider letting the “baching” you allow in other countries be how you live here. I beg you to put GOD/JESUS before yourselves. Our Heavenly Father is the judge and jury of salvation —NOT YOU!! Get educated on the prevalence of sexual chastity leading to deviance. Offer support and tools (besides just prayer) to your ministry that will help balance out human nature.
Friends, and I say that meaning ALL of you, in or out of the church, WE ALL NEED JESUS. Danny Gokey has a current Christian song that says….
We’re so quick to point a finger.
We judge things from our point of view.
The things that we say, the trouble it makes.
It hurts you and it hurts me too.
This is such a fallen world we live in.
It’s really not the way it’s supposed to be.
What if we could see each other differently.
It’d probably change everything.
We’re all broken people, don’t we all need Jesus?
Every moment of our lives, 24, 3-6-5.
Our human is equal, don’t we all have our weakness?
Everybody makes mistakes, everybody needs that grace.
We all need Jesus. Everybody needs a Savior.
Even the ones who think they don’t.
We’ve got stuff we hide, deep down inside,
there’s so much that we don’t show.
We all need Jesus….
And so, my deepest prayer is that we all stop for just a moment and ask, “What would Jesus do?” I believe the answer to that lies in Ellie Holcomb’s song “I Will Carry You.”
I know you’re tired, I see it in your eyes
All that anxiety that rules your mind
I’ll be your shield when you don’t feel like
You’ve got strength enough to fight
I’ll stand by your side
I will carry you
Through your darkest night
When you’re terrified
I will carry you
When the waters rise
When your hope runs dry
I will carry you
You are not the sum of your mistakes
You don’t have to hide the parts of you that ache
I choose you as you are a million times
‘Cause I am not ashamed of you
I won’t walk away from you
Up and over the mountains
Valley deep as the ocean
When you can’t keep going
I will shoulder your burdens
God said, “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you” (Isaiah 46:4 NIV)
Let us each find a way to let the evidence of HIS goodness wash over our lives so that we may see HIS promises fulfilled in ALL of our lives…may we see the cross, the empty grave…the sin rolled away…be replaced with STRENGTH, with HOPE, with HEALING and with GRACE. Let the light of HIS mercy shine on us as we navigate this very difficult road that the devil is just waiting to use…to further divide us from one another!! I can testify from personal experience— IT IS WORTH IT!! Criminal prosecution for failure to report MUST be THE NORM!! We need greater understanding of sexual abuse, greater courage to report and some Best Practices that are MANDATORY — AROUND THE WORLD.
In the words of my Dear Friend, Kevin Eicher:-
“Prosecute the guilty.
Set iron guardrails to protect the innocent.
Open the doors and windows to the fresh and healthy air and light.
Lay down our swords and let Love and compassion rule the day.”
Blessings, so much love, grace and mercy!!
Crystal