Growing up in the Two by Twos, you are handed a very narrow, very terrifying view of eternity. From the time I was a little girl, the doctrine was clear: we were the “only way.” I was taught that only the people who sat in our specific home meetings, or gathered at our annual conventions, were worthy of forgiveness, grace, and a place in heaven.
Even as a child, that never sat right with my spirit. It felt incredibly small, rigid, and cruel to believe that a vast, loving Creator would discard the rest of humanity simply because they weren’t part of our hidden sect. But when you are trapped in that system, hell is constantly thrown in your face as a looming weapon to keep you compliant. I lived in absolute terror of dying, carrying a weight of anxiety that no child should ever have to bear.
I finally got out when I was 14 years old, but unlearning that level of fear-based conditioning is the work of a lifetime. Today, I am 41, and I have spent the last 16 years working in hospice care.
If leaving the 2x2s cracked the door open to freedom, my career in hospice completely tore the walls down. For nearly two decades, I have held the hands of people from every walk of life, every faith background, and no background at all as they took their final breaths. I have watched them pass away wrapped in profound majesty, dignity, and a tangible, sacred peace.
Witnessing the end of life up close completely cured me of my terror. The overwhelming relief I felt when I fully realized the “only way” doctrine was a lie is something I can barely put into words. It was like finally exhaling a breath I had been holding since I was a little girl. God’s grace is not confined to a living room meeting or a convention ground. It is as wide as the ocean.
This journey brings to mind Rachel Lampa’s song, Perfectly Loved. The lyrics speak so deeply to this exact healing:
Who told you you were not good enough?
Who told you you had to earn that love?
…You’ve always been perfectly loved.
What a beautiful truth to finally accept. What religion used as a weapon to control me, reality and scripture completely dismantled.
God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). I am reminded of 1 John 4:18, which promises that there is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. The 2×2 system thrived on torment, but the real Creator thrives on perfect love.
I no longer fear death, and I no longer fear hell. I am 41, I am free, and I know that every single one of us is perfectly loved, just as we are.
By Shesten MacAdams
October 19, 2026
Here is the song if you care to listen.