Magsam, Dawn

Difficult things are hard to go through, hard to share and hard to explain. Each victim is at different stages. There’s fear, we’re fragile, we hurt, we’re angry at times, we want hope. My name is Dawn Magsam from Wisconsin.

I’ve waited to write this. I’ve waited to share with many. Some do know my story. Others I’ve wanted to share for a long time but have waited for God’s timing. I feel my story, my healing through much pain and sorrow can and could help another. My hope is to give hope and show grace to others. That has been my wish everyday for myself and for all.

Statistics are high. There are many more victims that are not ready to share. Be gentle and kind. Possibly some are showing unkindness, looking the other way. Maybe they too are ones not yet ready to deal with their own pain.

My mother passed away 6 years ago. A few months later my box broke in my mind and my heart broke too. Things I had greatly suppressed I relived again. My loving immediate family and a few close ones have been so supportive, along with healing time and professional help that I still need to continue with today.

My mother married Bob Muller when I was 7. The abuse by Bob started before they were married and continued until I was 16. In a family setting with sexual abuse there is also emotional and narcissism abuse. I am from a lineage of 6 generations of sexual abuse. But it stops with me. I did not abuse my children, thankfully I have a loving supportive husband that is not an abuser. I knew enough to protect my children but still such confusion, twisted emotionally when keeping that relationship with the abuser until these last few years. So difficult to comprehend let alone explain.

Recently I have requested that Bob no longer attend any meetings. My request was listened to. Thank you from myself and others. It is very very traumatizing to be in meetings with an abuser or know they are there.

This was brought to his meeting and the workers 4 1/2 years ago. I do not bring this attention to them at this time. Today, we all need to do better and have grace together. We have so much to gain if we can do this. Yes we need to hurt, but when ready we need to choose to heal. I know everyone has a right to how they feel in their experience. Please know this is just how I feel in mine.

Because of where I’m at in my healing I feel strong. But also fragile and weak at times. Others’ experiences I can so relate to. As hard as they are to read we cry, we hurt and are angry, and we hopefully heal a little more. There is more I can share of my experience when it can be helpful. We can heal and we are worth it, but again it takes time. God is real and helps us too.

Hold space for each other. You don’t have to have words. Just hold space and let them know it when you can. I myself have not reached out to so many I think of during my healing time. But I think of you. I’m there for you in my heart.

When you are ready, reach out to a professional. When I was ready, the right ones were available for me. We each might heal in a different way, different format. Believe in that, you are worth it and I am too.

I now have grandchildren that are the future. Our children and their spouses are also a part of the future, so are we. I hope to be one of the strong, gracious examples they and others need. And I hope for many more around them. And all precious children. God can help us be that.

I believe you, I hold space for you. I hurt with you, and I hope for you.

All have my permission to share this post. I do not reply on Facebook at this time. I am starting to send this out to some. Please know if you did not get this from me directly you have been thought of.