Transgressive Behavior in the Netherlands
July 8, 2023
Dutch summary follows the English
Nederlandse samenvatting van deze brief onderaan te vinden
The reason I’m writing this and a short summary:
I just read an email from the leading workers (from the Netherlands) about the things that are happening in Amerika right now [email copied below]. I want to contradict the claim that is made in this email. They say they are not aware of transgressive behavior happening in the Netherlands, yet they are for a long time.
In this letter there are many brothers I will speak about. I don’t hate them, so I won’t use their names. But I want people to know the truth. If someone wants to know their names because they are victims as well, contact me or my husband, we both are willing to give more details if needed.
I’m Nienke. I grew up in the two by two group. Me and my husband left the group about two years ago. Before we left we had a conversation with some of the older brothers.
An overseer came from Switzerland to help our oldest brother out when speaking with us. So me and my husband had the conversation with the brother from Switzerland and with the (at that time) oldest brother of the Netherlands. My husband had been in the work for three years, so he knew he needed a witness when speaking to the brother from the Netherlands. He knew that otherwise no one would believe us. We asked a man from our Sunday morning meeting to be our witness. The meeting was at our home, and there was a married couple that joined the conversation as well. They had some things they wanted to address as well, and also needed a witness.
In the meeting at our home, several issues were adressed. We had, of course, some doctrinal problems with the group, some things that we had heard all our lives were not biblical at all. But that is not what I want to highlight in this letter.
I want to highlight the part where we confronted the oldest brother of the Netherlands with how he and (the at that time oldest brother) treated my husband during his time in the work. My husband had been mentally abused by some of the brothers during his time in the work which left him with PTSD. My husband tried to fight for justice and against the unbiblical way matters were ‘solved’. That might have been a problem for the oldest brothers, so the 3rd year my husband was given a narcissistic, bisexual and frustrated man as his companion.
Most of the brother workers at that time were aware that this brother was not welcome in other countries because he had been sexually and emotionally transgressive. There was an ‘European agreement’ that he was not allowed to ever have a younger man as his companion again because he prefered younger men. During that year he had been sexually transgressive to my husband and emotional abusive. He luckily never physically touched my husband, but he told him dirty stories and constantly stayed close to him. My husband was physically very fit and strong, so this brother never dared to touch him sexually, but he made it very clear to my husband that he had fantasies about him.
The leadership was aware this would happen to my husband, and they did put him with this companion on purpose, to punish him for challenging their autority. This mentally broke my husband, and he has been sick both mentally and physically for about 10 years. Even when he was sick, he confronted the leadership with this sexually transgressive behavior. He told them: “Don’t let this older brother ever be close to younger boys and girls and younger companions.” They still did. We are aware of several occasions.
The past 5 years since we are together and since we left the group, my husband is way way better now. So during the meeting two years ago, we adressed this sexually transgressive behavior to those two older brothers again. I literally said: “If one day the work has to go to court because of sexual abuse, I will testify against the work that they didn’t stop this behavior.” They were fully aware what they had done but they ignored it. Not even reacting when I said this.
The new older brother of the Netherlands and his ‘fellow older brothers’ have sent an email to the friends about the sexual abuse cases from the US. They call that behavior “transgressive” in this email. From what I have heard, more than transgressive behavior has happened in the US. They also said they are not aware that transgressive behavior is happening in the Netherlands. They know.
The names—I know them, me and my husband spoke to them. They know….
Nienke.
~~~~~
[Definition: Transgressive behaviour covers every form of unwanted behaviour that you might encounter on campus, in the workplace or in your study environment. It often involves a form of verbal or physical violence, bullying, unwanted sexual acts, intimidation, racism or discrimination.]~~~~~
Workers’ email:
Dear friends
Preparations for the conferences have started. There is much reason to be happy. It would be nice to be able to focus just on that. Still, we feel it is important to share a serious and poignant message with you.
(1) In recent times, some shocking issues came to our knowledge from abroad. It’s about transgressive behaviour. It makes us very sad.
(2) We have no reason to expect that something like this is happening in the Netherlands. Nevertheless, this message, so that everyone is informed.
(3) And together with your help make sure that everyone among us is safe and everyone feels safe.
We are open for conversations. We appreciate your concern and your help with this.
Should it happen that someone experiences borderline behaviour, please know that we will do every-thing we can to support you in finding the help that is needed. Through us or one of the other workers. Anonymous is also possible.
Martin, Wim, Bart
~~~~~
Above letter in Dutch:
Korte samenvatting in het Nederlands:
De brief die recent is verstuurd door de Nederlandse broeders die klopt niet. Ze zijn wel op de hoogte van grensoverschrijdend gedrag. Mijn man heeft de toenmalige leiding sinds hij ziek thuis is uit het werk meerdere keren aangesproken dat zijn vierde metgezel nooit meer in de buurt mocht komen van jonge metgezellen en jongens en meisjes. Toch hebben ze dit willens en wetens meerdere keren gedaan. Samen met mijn man heb ik twee jaar geleden nog met de toenmalige leidinggevende broeder (was een Zwitserse broeder bij) gesproken en ze ontkenden het niet. Ondertekenaars van de brief geven aan niet op de hoogte te zijn van gevallen in Nederland van grensoverschrijdend gedrag. Toch zijn ook deze mannen deels/volledig op de hoogte van wat mijn man (ongepaste seksuele opmerkingen) heeft mee moeten maken. Sterker nog, zijn toenmalige leidinggevende broeder heeft hem bewust bij deze ‘metgezel’ geplaatst. Omdat mijn echtgenoot een in hun ogen ‘lastige’ werker was. (Deze vierde metgezel is inmiddels overleden). Verder is mijn man slachtoffer van machtsmisbruik door zijn toenmalige leidinggevende werkers en heeft hij PTSS opgelopen hiervan. De mensen die hem hadden moeten beschermen tegen het ‘grensoverschrijdende gedrag’ van zijn metgezel hadden hem juist bewust in die positie geplaatst. Mijn man is gelukkig niet betast of erger, maar ze hebben hem bewust in gevaar gebracht en na hem anderen ook nog. Excuses zijn nooit gemaakt en gedrag van leiding is nooit aangepast. Nu wordt in deze brief door een (deels vernieuwde, deels oude leiding) nogmaals ontkent dat ze op de hoogte zijn van dit gedrag. Dat zijn ze wel. Sowieso 2 van de 3 ondertekenaars van de brief weten we zeker dat ze op de hoogte zijn en hadden al die jaren in kunnen grijpen. Dat is niet gedaan. Deze twee zijn op de hoogte van grensoverschrijdend gedrag en hebben het gedrag in stand gehouden.
Nienke.
~~~~~
Email from workers in Dutch:
Lieve vrienden
De voorbereidingen voor de conferenties zijn begonnen. Er is veel reden om blij te zijn. Het zou fijn zijn om ons alleen daarop te kunnen concentreren. Toch voelen we dat het belangrijk is om een ernstige en indringende boodschap met u te delen.
(1)In de afgelopen tijd zijn ons vanuit het buitenland dingen bekend geworden die schokkend zijn. Het gaat om grensoverschrijdend gedrag. Het maakt ons erg verdrietig.
(2)Wij hebben geen reden om te vermoeden dat er iets dergelijks hier in Nederland aan de hand is. Desalniettemin dit bericht, zodat iedereen geïnformeerd is. (3)En om samen met uw hulp ervoor te zorgen dat het voor iedereen onder ons veilig is en iedereen zich veilig voelt. We staan open voor gesprekken. Wij waarderen uw zorg en uw hulp daarbij.
Mocht het toch zo zijn dat iemand grensoverschrijdend gedrag ervaart, weet dan dat we alles gaan doen om u te ondersteunen in het vinden van hulp die dan nodig is. Via ons of één van de andere werkers. Anoniem is ook mogelijk.
Martin, Wim, Bart