Why I left
Greetings, fellow survivors.
My name is Phillip Englishbee, the youngest of five children of Paul Englishbee (deceased) and Roberta Baker Fagan (formerly Roberta Englishbee, deceased). I, along with my siblings, were born and raised in The Truth.
From my earliest childhood memories, my family held Wednesday night Bible study in our home at 501 Parkwood, Pasadena, Texas. We would attend on a regular basis, the Austin (Georgetown), Texas convention, and on occasion, other conventions such as Happy, and possibly others that I may not remember. At the age of 10 or 11 years old, I recall professing at convention, with trembling legs, crying profusely, knowing I had no clue what I was doing, but that it was expected-an expectation embedded in my mind by my father. I distinctly remember being told to wait to profess, until I had the opportunity to profess under the watch of Hubert Childers, who was the lead worker at the time. At the time, I didn’t understand why that was, but as time passed, and more so in my adult life, it became evident, that the act of professing was not to please our Heavenly Father, but to please man. In this case, it was to please Hubert Childers and my own father.
Like one of my sisters expressed in her letter to this group, I recall struggling last minute what to say, when it came time to give my testimony, for I had no clue what I was doing, only knowing I was fulfilling an expectation and requirement of having professed. I can easily say, the same applied to time of prayer, not that I didn’t understand the meaning of prayer, but because I simply did not know how to pray-to pray for meaningful and substantive things in my life. Instead, my prayers were simply “words” in an effort to once again fulfill what was expected of me.
Growing up, like everyone in The Truth at that time, we did not celebrate Christmas, in its general sense. As children, we received gifts, although limited, but we never experienced the thrill of waking up and opening gifts around a Christmas tree, because Christmas trees were forbidden, along with any visual reference of the Christmas. Additionally, televisions were forbidden, as well as going to a movie theater. We were told that such items and participation was of the “world”.
In 1983, at the age of 16, I firmly believe I received a revelation so profound, that it became the catalyst to my departure from The Truth. Growing up, it was instilled in our heads (brainwashed to be perfectly honest) that people of the “world” who were not and did not join “The Truth” were doomed to Hell, and all the worldly items were sinful. The revelation that I had, pertained to my art teacher in high school, her name was Glenda Coley, now deceased. Mrs. Coley led a school organization called Youth for Christ, she held Bible studies in her home, was the most loving, giving woman (apart from my own mother) that I’d ever known. Mrs. Coley, was a woman of God, whose nature was to give to others in need. Simply put, she was a good person. Therefore, one day, while sitting in art class, tears filled my eyes as I watched her walking throughout the room helping my classmates with their projects, all the while thinking, there’s no way Mrs. Coley was destined to an eternity of suffering in Hell-no way in Hell ! That was it, my revelation, God laid it on my heart, and that coming Sunday, when my father opened my bedroom door, telling me it was time to get up and get ready for meeting, I told him I was no longer going.
Of course, it wasn’t easy as that, because the guilt placed on me by my father, the Workers, and other members of The Truth, was overwhelming. While still living at home, under my father’s roof, we still often entertained Workers for dinner, or even over night stays in the home. What I recall, is that I was “eyeballed” constantly, and made to feel ashamed for the choice I had made, through lines of questioning and subtle references of sinful thoughts that influenced my decision. When I look back on it, I strongly believe the several occasions when this occurred, were organized by my father, as an intervention, to save my soul.
Fast forward 43 years…….here I sit, writing this, mainly because it’s self-healing, but also, The Truth has transformed to a degree that makes me realize, everything we were told and forbidden to do as children, is now accepted, and I first began to notice it years ago-one particular incident stands out. As a police officer, I responded to a residential alarm at a house within the city limits of the city I worked for. At the time, I had no clue whose house it was, but as usual, after surveying the exterior of the house, I knocked on the front door. To my surprise, when the door opened, I immediately recognized the home owner and family, as “friends” and members of The Truth whom I’d grown up interacting with at various meetings and conventions. The bigger surprise though, was a large screen television that was prominently positioned in their family room with a football game being watched. Although I recognized them, they did not recognize me, but when I told them who I was, the front door quickly closed, while the remainder of the conversation concluded on the front porch. I would be wrong if I did not mention, my own father, at that time, had a small portable television that he’d watch (mainly college football) but would hide it in his closet, whenever “friends” or Workers would visit.
To this day, I still communicate intermittently with certain members of The Truth, through social media channels. They and others are extremely good people, and I think their hearts are good, and only hope the best for each of them. The reason I say that, is because I see, through social media, the drinking of alcohol, the wearing of pants, makeup and jewelry by the women, the cutting of hair by women, Christmas trees and other so-called forbidden fruit of the world, that’s being actively engaged. However, come Wednesday night and Sunday morning, the image is completely the opposite. Gone are the pants, makeup and jewelry, that is replaced by dresses or skirts, no makeup, etc.
If times have changed, so be it, live life to the fullest, but don’t live a double life. I know in my own heart (one with fault of its own) that so-called “worldly” items will not keep you out of Heaven, but an un-pure and deceptive heart will. I could rattle on even more, but I will end this letter here, by simply saying, although my childhood was robbed of certain things, I’m grateful that God laid upon my heart, what he did, and when he did-it saved my soul.
Phillip Englishbee
September 12, 2026
*Sisters:
Wilma (Englishbee) Davis
Elizabeth (Englishbee) Bremer