I’m a Survivor I am told
Yet when I speak oh so bold
They do not hear me in this fold
By their silence, they loudly say:
Nothing to see, just let us be
We trust our leaders & they disagree
I shout, I cry, I plead, I wail
All of this to no avail
I gather the wounded, those in despair
I give them a voice together to share
By their silence, they loudly say:
Nothing is wrong
Says the throng
We trust our leaders
They are real feeders
I pray, I mourn, I read and weep
Somebody has to protect the sheep
The children’s innocence to keep
What else to do, I pray so deep
By their silence, they loudly say:
Nothing to see, just let us be
We trust our leaders & they disagree
Story after story, year after year
Victims abused; it is very clear
I teach, I preach, I write and shout
Heard by a few brave souls, without doubt
Who awaken to the truth so bold
And don’t go back to sleep or do what they are told
By their silence, they loudly say:
Nothing to see, not at all
Everything’s sweet
Except for a few discontent sheep
I’m just a discontent rebel stirring up trouble
Sowing discord I am told
If you’re so unhappy, just leave the fold
By their silence, they loudly say:
There’s nothing to hear; let’s just be clear
We’re satisfied in men, Whose works are amiss
Because they approve of our submissiveness
I beg, I plea, and now I can’t sleep
For I fear for all the sheep
I was hurt by the perps; they refuse to see
My life will never again the same to be
By their silence, they loudly say:
Blind as can be
Unwilling to see reality
We march faithfully on
Quiet down, you noisy con
Just leave, others say
Why do you stay?
Why don’t you just walk away?
If I do, then more lambs will pay!
By their silence, they continue to say:
It doesn’t affect me or my family
Why should we care, honestly?
We don’t see our own apathy
We go along the Way happily
If I leave so easy to say
Who will protect them from being prey?
If I stop and just move on
How many more will they slay?
By their silence, they loudly say:
Nothing to see, just let us be
We trust our leaders & they disagree
Just pray, they say, Have faith in God
He will take care of it; don’t be so odd
God called me loud and clear
His voice so near and dear
He reminded me of a song we sang
While growing up on Big Sky Lane
By their silence, they loudly say:
Nothing to see, not at all
Everything’s great; stand tall
There’s no concern, do not weep
for a few discontent sheep
“There were many giants in the days of Saul
But a little stripling far outshined them all
Just a little pebble and a little sling
From the hand of David made God’s people sing”
There’s nothing to do, so shame on you
Stirring up trouble for our poor Shepherd’s too
You’re to blame for wrong focus
And the stories are mostly bogus
Forgive and forget like you were taught
All this whining is wrong and it must stop
“Shamgar had an ox goad, David had a sling,
Dorcas had a needle, Rahab had a string;
Samson had a jawbone, Moses had a rod,
Mary had some ointment, All were used by God”
So I know I am not a fraud
I, too, am being used by God
Even though like Jonah, I ran at first
Trying to escape that voice that burst
In my head night and day
Until I turned and obeyed
By their silence, they loudly say:
Nothing to do
Not a care in the world
We are strong in our delusion
Let us remain in our illusion
I want to quit, leave the crowd
But God’s voice is still so loud
Please, I say, it’s hard on me
Nobody cares so why should we?
By their actions, they continue to say:
There’s nothing wrong here, Not at all
All is normal as Convention draws near
We honor our Shepherds we hold so dear
Discouragement and exhaustion dissipate
As I think of the children’s fate, I must march on before it’s too late
And one more abusive event for a child awaits
A life of trauma, their purity robbed
Again, I think of this and sob
By their silence, they loudly say:
Nothing is wrong, as we sing our songs
We sing, we pray, we speak so strong
No remorse, no sackcloth & ashes
Neither tears to wet their lashes
No restitution, avoiding responsibility
Life goes on, normal as can be
You’re the problem again they say
Why won’t you just go away?
Leave us alone, let us be
You’re the liar, not we
I do not understand how this can be
This betrayal I clearly see
Really makes me want to flee
Trust shattered I did not foresee
By their silence, they loudly say:
Who are you to us the crew
a woman after all should not pursue
Why should we listen? Why should we care?
They say I judge but I won’t nudge
This is about crimes decades long
I’ll keep writing and singing my song
By their silence, they continue to say:
You’ve gone too far, why did you dare?
An unsubmissive woman is rare!
You aren’t God and you’re very flawed
Don’t you know we’re above the law
Go away, you nagging flea
We will never bend a knee
The mental toll is quite a weight
My will, my strength in low estate
Being the enemy because I speak truth
Is something new I did not choose
By their silence, they continue to say:
Children harmed, don’t be alarmed
There’s nothing to see, we guarantee
Our leaders know, they are pro
There’s nothing to show
They wouldn’t go so low
Get thee below, It was long ago
Don’t be so slow, You refuse to grow
It just would be too big a blow
Moral values have decayed
Not just in the world but in this Way
Like the emperor with no clothes
Can’t see their pride that God so loathes
Part with wealth, we propose
Abusing children that God’s exposed
By their silence, they continue to say:
We are anointed they claim
much to their own shame and fame
We do no wrong we’re where we belong
On our throne above the throng
This is not a forgiveness issue
It’s crimes you will not admit to
Nor is it me judging you
It’s complicity to known felonies
It’s being accomplices to heinous acts
Against innocent children, who trusted you
To do the right thing and stop the sicko’s
By their silence, they continue to say:
Children harmed, don’t be alarmed
It may have happened but maybe not
Who knows what’s true, we didn’t get caught
The anointed upon our thrones
Do not upon us cast your stones
Jesus said you’d know us by our fruit
Ours is sweet, do not dispute
The damage is done, you cannot run
It’s too late to change your fate
The law of consequence, may I hint
Will prevail, no matter if you bail
By their silence, they loudly say:
Blind as can be
Unwilling to see reality
We march faithfully on
Quiet down, you noisy con
We cried; we tried to wake you up
You would not budge, oh so corrupt
It’s time for us to be set free
A time to kill so we can heal
But pride prevailed; you could not relate
Like Eli’s sons, you are done
Judgment has been released
Your power and pride will decrease
By their silence they continue to say:
All is well; do not tell
Our leaders know best
We leave them the rest
Before you, we came in God’s name
To tell our story, oh so gory
You blamed, you shamed, you wore us out
You said we were dishonest
To our truth, we even had doubt
You told us it was our imagination
Our voices silenced, we faced humiliation
We were told it was God we had failed
And then some of the victims bailed
You forced us to apologize to the perpetrators
And we lied before our Creator
We said sorry, in person, for slandering his good name
Bowing our heads in deep shame
You shouted at us in doubt, with all your mighty clout
And accused us of destroying God’s good Kingdom
Solidifying that forever more we would be Victims
We whimpered, we wailed, and then some bailed
But your stubborn indignation prevailed
You crossed the line; you did too much
God’s wrath has come, you to touch
Now you beg, you plead, you squirm, and you flee
But the time has come, and God is done
There’s nothing new under the sun
Denial is reality, silence is complicity
Willful ignorance, take no chance
Apathy is our circumstance
Woe to you, noisy one
We can’t wait until you’re done
Not a chance, I reply
To these crimes, I won’t comply
You can accuse, and you can abuse
My urgency will not diffuse
Wake up this time, there’s no truce
and join the fight, With all your might
Because I’m on God’s side, and He is right
By their actions, they continue to say:
All is well, do not tell
We deduce there’s no excuse
For us to join your troops
Seducing us to be your recruits
You’re the problem, you’re the one
You should forgive, and then we’ll be done
Focus on Jesus; do not displease us
Questioning our actions is egregious
Thousands of sheep are fleeing the fold
5th generation pillars, elders so bold
They can’t support a ministry
Unrepentant, defiant, and leaving debris
Some write exit letters explaining their plight
No misunderstandings, just the reason for their flight
And you say it’s God purging his kingdom
From the weak sheep, unwilling to overcome
Satan’s tactics, deceit and staying in the battle
They’ve lost out, you claim, fell off the saddle
Blinded in your minds, your conscience seared
Claiming mercy on sinners – it’s just so weird
But not holding them accountable for their crimes
Sneaking them around, above the law, so divine
More lives shattered; their lives don’t matter
No policies, no guidelines, nothing will change
Abuse will continue; it’s all so very strange
You’ve always claimed to be led by the Spirit
But we are to discern if it is of God
The Bible clearly defines the true merit
Of the Holy Spirit and that of a fraud
You’ve been deceived by the wrong spirit
And you can’t see it, so oblivious
I don’t know why, It’s blatantly obvious
Jesus warned there’d be wolves among us
Pretending to be Shepherds
Who truly care for the flock
It’s all just such an undeniable shock
I believe it started with the doctrine of demons
When your ministry decreed that celibacy
It was a new rule with much relevancy
But in reality was a setup for failure
Because Satan deceived you with much pleasure
The spirit you are led by, I can’t deny
It is just fine with the carnage
And perpetuating all the garbage
The damage is done; you can’t run
It’s too late to change your fate
The law of consequence will prevail
Even if you cry and wail
May God’s mercy be your choice
As before His throne you rejoice
It is not our wish for you to face an abyss
“Vengeance is mine,” saith the Lord of might
Repentance will bring you to the light
No more can I fight
Much to your delight
You’ve made it clear
Change is not near
It’s time for me to leave it be, nothing left for me
I will now seek peace and rest in God’s care
As I support those whose lives have been shattered
Helping them pick up the pieces all tattered
Sharing with them that their stories are believed
Empathy, kindness, and safety achieved
Helping hearts heal in this tremendous betrayal
Comfort, grace, and God’s love portrayal
You are the priests
Who passed by the victims
Unaffected, unashamed
Stripped of their dignity
Half dead and mentally beat
You are the accomplices to the robbers
Pretending to be bible scholars
Hide your eyes, there’s nothing to see
Stripped the children of dignity
Sentenced to a life of trauma
And way too much drama
You support Perpetrators, hold them dear
Place them with children way too near
Even though 98% of them will never change
Your support of creeps is so very strange
And 9 out of 10 women are telling the truth
About the heinous crime that happened in their youth
Nothing to see here, just a wall—
Built with silence, cloaked in thrall.
But truth still knocks, though voices stall…
May God spare you, once and for all.
May He break what pride has built so tall,
So mercy can rise, and justice call.
By Rhonda Grillo
April – May 2024
I wrote this poem after almost one year of advocating for survivors in the 2×2 fellowship, just after the first anniversary of what is now dubbed, “Bruergate.” It describes what it’s been like to be an advocate.